From time to time, I am asked what not to do in Brussels.
In my 20 plus years, I’ve seen some amazing own goals, that have all but sunk someone’s interests. Usually, they seem oblivious to the self destruction.
You’ll find a list below. They are listed so you do not repeat them, and help you to not snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
20 Things Not To Do
1. Be rude, aggressive and angry. Being rude, aggressive and angry may work in some cultures, but it does not work in the sun filled uplands of Brussels. It is a form of persuasion that just does not work with anyone of importance. Every time I have seen it in action, the air becomes chilled, and the good will for a solution evaporate.
2.Bad mouth their colleagues and friends. This is one of the most agonising own goals to see in action. I’ve seen seasoned players relish bad mouthing the good friends and former colleagues of the person whose support they were trying to win over. Calling someone’s friend a fraud or worse is a good way to make sure you never get invited back.
3. Misogynists and bigots beware. Seeing an unreconstructed misogynistic and bigot lobbying is a sight to behold. I’ve witnessed meetings collapse in an instant with the choice turn of phrase “let me educate you madam on how things work”. Personally, I’ve sat and listened to some wonderful conspiracies about Irish Catholics, and wondered if my surname may not have been given any inclinations of where I sit. If you find it hard not to such views with random strangers in meetings, don’t do meetings.
4. Turn up late and intervene after the decision has been taken. All too common is turning up late to the policy debate and acting surprise when a proposal is published or law adopted. It is often accompanied by moral indigation that you were not consulted before hand. It is not a good look. It usually raises questions about early onset dementia. Most proposals are so clearly sign posted and consulted on before hand it.
5. Be disingenuous with the evidence. I discovered early on that many people try and misrepresent what the evidence says. I noticed that selective referencing was popular. It does not work. You are often dealing with officials, politicians or political staff who know the file and all the evidence. You are often dealing with the type of people who read the studies mentioned in the footnotes. Refer to the evidence that supports your case and the evidence that does not support your case. The people making the decision know both sides.
6. Don’t have answers to the questions you don’t want to answer. You are going to get asked hard questions, sometimes the sort of questions you rather would not come up. These are the questions that you should relish. There is some karmic force that prevails that all but guarantees you are going to be asked the most sensitive and difficult question. If you don’t have an answer to hand, it will make you look guilty, even if you are not.
7. Don’t follow up commitments given in meetings. You need to follow up quickly from meetings and deliver on any undertakings given. If you said you’d send the correct reference to support a point, do it within 24 hours. Send a note of thanks for the meeting within 48 hours including all the follows up. If you say you’ll finish a report by a given date and don’t, you’ll have lost all credibility. It gives the impression you are untrustworthy or suffer from amnesia.
8. Posturing and grandstanding. In my political youth, I endured, with mild bemusement, Oscar winning performances of political posturing and grandstanding. Back then, I asked more experienced hands if the performances worked. They did not. And, with age, I have see no decline in the thespian spirit, but have not seen it work once.
9. Threaten a Commissioner, official, or MEP.
10. Sue a Commissioner, official, or MEP for doing their job.
11. Don’t speak to the key officials, advisers and politicians making the decision.
12. Bring in a questionable or unpopular foreign governments to press your case for you.
13. Succumb to conspiracy stories to explain things.
14. Rely on political strategy that has a track record of loosing.
15. Claim that if the measure is adopted, the (economic/ecological) world will end.
16. Hope that the politically marginalised will get you the votes you need and ignore the mainstream.
17. Use discredited experts to speak on your behalf.
18. Base your plans on a country or MEP who has a track record of never being on the winning side of the issue.
19. Don’t adjust your plans to take advantages of windows of opportunity that come up.
20. Be anti european. Finally, there is one easy way to relegate yourself into political irrelevance in a moment. Just be anti-European. There is no simpler way to be embraced by the politically marginalised and have polite political society not return your calls.